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Sales of Barrels Held Up By Suspenders Skyrocket
UNITED STATES — After President Donald Trump’s 10% tax on imports took effect, the economic response was swift and severe. Financial markets suffered their worst week since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, with the Dow Jones dropping 3,800 points over two days. While many Americans suffer from the economic impacts, some industries have benefitted.…
Nation’s Liars Announce Big Plans to Roast Pumpkin Seeds
HALLOWEENTOWN — Following a brief pumpkin carving session, the country’s liars held an emergency press conference where they introduced a resolution to gather the removed seeds, separate them from the gross, slimy pumpkin guts, and roast them in the oven to enjoy as a delicious, healthy snack. “This is the type of people we hope…
White Man Physically Unable to Not Comment on ‘Killers of the Flower Moon’
TULSA — Local white man Jack Bordon suffered involuntary commentary after viewing the 2023 American epic revisionist Western crime drama film, “Killers of the Flower Moon.” “It started before I even saw the film, actually,” Bordon said, insisting on using the word film instead of movie. “And when I saw the film, it just began…
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