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Short Man Lies on Internet

IDIOTVILLE, Ohio — Bodybuilder, organ meat connoisseur, and cute little guy, Brian Johnson, better known as his online persona, “Liver King,” shocked the social media world after his steroid regimen was revealed in a leaked email. The 5-foot-6-and-a-half Johnson rose to Internet fame last year after posting videos and photos of his impressive, albeit short,…

Results are in: Herschel Walker Wins

GEORGIA — The numbers don’t lie: Herschel Walker is the 1982 Heisman Trophy winner.  With 5,097 rushing yards in three seasons, Walker becomes the seventh junior and second Georgia Bulldog to win the award. “You just can’t argue with the statistics,” said sports analyst Willie Hardigan. “He had a few mishaps along the way, a…

NRA Calls for Armed Security Guards for Police Officers

HOUSTON — Gun lobbyists and many GOP leaders, including former President Donald Trump, spoke at the the National Rifle Association’s annual convention Friday, condemning and mocking efforts to overhaul gun laws by Democratic party leaders and gun control activists. Some speakers offered up their own potential solutions to help prevent future mass shootings in the…

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