Trump Legal Team Demands Signature-Matching of Constitution

WASHINGTON — After repeated losses in federal courts across the country and multiple recounts that have reaffirmed Joe Biden’s victory in the 2020 presidential election, the legal team headed by Rudy Giuliani representing President Trump is now setting their sights on the nation’s founding documents. 

They’re demanding a full audit of the US Constitution, along with signature matching that would verify the so-called “Founding Fathers” identities.

“How can we be sure that’s John Hancock’s John Hancock?” Guiliani asked reporters at the Willard InterContinental Breakfast of a nearby Shoney’s. 

The attempt is the latest of the legal team’s tactics to undermine the integrity of the election and delegitimize Biden’s victory. Proof of a fraudulent constitution would call into question any and all of the nation’s elections, indeed the very existence of the nation itself. 

“We’re not giving up,” Guiliani said. “Even if it takes destroying the country.”

It’s not clear how Trump could remain president if the country didn’t exist.

“I mean, some of these guys may even be dead,” Guiliani continued, visibly damp and sweating. “Do we really want dead people drafting the framework of our nation?”

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