DES MOINES, IA — After witnessing their 3-year-old son throwing a fit that involved drawing on the walls, throwing blocks, and climbing up to stand on chairs, local parents Tim and Martha Callahan were shocked to learn that Thomas was actually an undercover member of the left-wing militant group Antifa.
“We couldn’t believe it,” Martha Callahan said. “We thought this was just our little baby boy acting out his frustrations. He doesn’t have the vocabulary to express himself, so we figured this was just his way of communicating.”
While it is common for immature children to have outbursts of emotion and lash out aggressively, Thomas appears to have more nefarious motivations behind his tantrum. Rumors circulate that the young boy may even have financial backing from left-wing donors like George Soros.
“I did think it was strange that he arrived home from daycare in a luxury bus,” said dad Tim Callahan. “And this whole time I thought he was saying ‘fun please’ when it turns out he was actually saying ‘Defund the Police.’”
However, the Callahans did have their suspicions before the most recent outburst.
“When he called me a capitalist pig, I suspected something was wrong with Tommy,” said Tim Callahan.
Thomas Callahan was unavailable for comment due to it being naptime.