I’ve been hearing a lot of people’s concerns about the new coronavirus vaccines. They were rushed to production. They have negative side effects. They don’t work. They are part of a Satanic plot to track my every movement and turn me into a gay frog.
I’m here to tell those who doubt the legitimacy of the vaccines: I believe you.
I believe they were rushed to production and they may have side effects. I’m not so sure about the gay frog business, but I think that people’s concerns are valid and should be respected.
That is why I am volunteering myself for the vaccine. If you are in line to receive one, let me know. I will take it for you to make sure it’s safe. No need to thank me. I can’t bear the thought of someone experiencing a rash, fatigue, or even a headache. I will shoulder the burden on your behalf.
Please, let me do this for you, for science, and for humanity. I have no interest in my own benefit, for I am a simple man. I like my coffee like I like my women: bitter and gone.
John “Jack” Meoff
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