Giuliani Copied File Labeled “Definitely Not Porn” from Hunter Biden Laptop to Personal Server

NEW YORK — Former New York City mayor and personal lawyer for President Trump, Rudy Giuliani, reportedly made copies of files from Hunter Biden’s laptop to store on his own, private server.

Among them was a 3-gigabyte folder named “Definitely Not Porn,” which Giuliani says was a potential threat to national security.

“All I can tell you is, wowza. I mean, oooga,” Giuliani told reporters, imitating an old-timey car horn. He then cleared his throat and dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief before saying that it was in the interest of national security that he retain a copy of the files for review. “As a backup. Just in case,” he said.

The folder was discovered as part of an ongoing investigation of Hunter Biden’s personal laptop conducted by Mr. Giuliani himself, who alleges it contains proof of illegal dealings between Biden and Burisma, a Ukrainian energy firm with ties to the Kremlin. These claims have been backed by reputable sources such as Steve Bannon and Rupert Murdoch, who are definitely not going to prison.

Critics allege the investigation amounts to nothing more than a sad old man’s pathetic attempts to help the Trump campaign and make himself appear useful.

“I can assure you,” Giuliani said, “the files are definitely not porn. And I am definitely not a pedophile who made sexual advances toward a woman I believed to be a 15-year-old girl.

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