Trump Forgets to Pardon Daughter Tiffany

WASHINGTON — President Trump has discussed preemptively pardoning close advisers ahead of potential prosecution under the incoming Biden administration, according to sources familiar with the matter. 

Among those reportedly being considered for pardons are his three eldest children, Donald Jr., Eric, and Ivanka, as well as his son-in-law, Jared Kushner.

Missing from the discussions was Trump’s youngest daughter, Tiffany Trump. The child of Trump’s affair with Marla Maples and singer of the non-hit single “Like a Bird” has often been overlooked by her father. 

“I love my daughter, uh, Terry,” Trump said to reporters in the Rose Garden, reading from a smudge on his hand after apparently forgetting that he named his fourth child after Tiffany & Company. “She’s the best. A solid 4, 4 ½—maybe even a 5 on a good day.”

Tiffany Trump’s Single “Like a Bird”

Initial reports indicated that the president’s discussions centered around the possibility of pardoning himself and his personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. 

Trump pardoned former disgraced governor and reality TV star Rod “Blago” Blagojevich in February as well as his former national security adviser, Michael Flynn, this past week. 

Sources close to the family say the reason for Tiffany’s omission is because her father just doesn’t love her as much as his other children or his lawyer.

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