Mayor Cantrell Seeks to Cut Library Budget to Avoid Returning Overdue Copy of ‘Twilight’

NEW ORLEANS — The residents of New Orleans are set to vote on a millage proposal this Saturday, December 5th that would slash the city’s library budget by nearly 40% if passed. 

Mayor Latoya Cantrell continues to claim that Proposition 2 would fund early childhood education programs despite the fact that city officials have estimated that the program could benefit about 100 children and critics say it’s essentially a hollow gesture being used to mask a robbery of library funds.

But a new report has surfaced that suggests the real reason Mayor Cantrell wants to cut the library’s funding is so she doesn’t have to return a long-overdue copy of author Stephanie Meyer’s seminal book Twilight

The book details the beginnings of a forbidden, whirlwind romance between Bella Swan, a human, and Edward Cullen, a vampire. It’s a passionate story that tugs at the heartstrings of even the coldest of cynics, but Mayor Cantrell has had plenty of time to finish reading the bestseller and should return it and pay the $3.50 late fee.

Many local residents aren’t convinced that the enthralling vampire romance is worth potentially losing library access and programming that benefits thousands of more children across the city. 

“I couldn’t believe it,” said Uptown resident Amber Smith. “This is Anne Rice country. She can take that sparkly skin and werewolf bullshit somewhere else.”

In addition to budget cuts to the library, Cantrell threatened to layoff city employees if voters say no to the proposed measures. Opponents of library budget cuts describe her comments as “bullying.”

“Look, I get it, it’s a great story,” said Ben Jammin, a Bywater resident. “When Bella takes on James, I mean, I was on the edge of my seat. I thought we’d lose her. Thank god Edward made it.”

Jammin took a moment to wipe his eyes, claiming he was dealing with a flare-up of his allergies. “But I don’t think it’s worth losing the library or city worker’s jobs over it.”

Residents who don’t believe the city should lose library funding over the impossible romance of a human and a vampire can vote NO on Prop. 2 this Saturday.

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